Have you ever seen the rain?

I woke up to thunder this morning.  It pulled me out of a deep sleep and I listened as it startled me with its’ roar.

I don’t know why it startled me?  It’s been thundering in my heart now for nearly a year — one would think I would be used to it by now.

The rain in my heart reminds me of the song “Have you ever seen the rain?” by Creedence Clearwater Revival because in my heart, I see the rain coming down  — even on sunny days.

Have You Ever Seen the Rain?  

Someone told me long ago
There’s a calm before the storm,
I know
It’s been comin for some time.

When it’s over, so they say,
It’ll rain a sunny day,
I know
Shinin down like water.

[Chorus]
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
Comin down on a sunny day

Yesterday, and days before,
Sun is cold and rain is hard,
I know
Been that way for all my time.

‘Til forever, on it goes
Through the circle, fast and slow,
I know
It can’t stop, I wonder.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
Comin down on a sunny day

Yeah!

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
Comin down on a sunny day

It hasn’t been a good week. Lukah has passed out and/or had seizures 3 out of 4 days this week.  Despite all of the medicines she is on, the special diet she follows, the exercise she is doing, we are not seeing progress.

Dysautonomia has taken over her life like a never-ending storm.  Just as we think the rain is letting up a bit (when she goes for a week without a seizure) the storm waves come crashing in and pull her back into the hurricane tide (as she has another seizure).

It has been very stormy in my heart recently.  I find myself wondering, “Why her?  Why us? Why has God placed this cross on her to bear?”

I’ve been missing my sunshine and feeling a little like this:

She deserves the sun.  We all do! But then I ask myself a follow-up question:  “Why NOT her?  Why NOT us?”

I am a positive person by nature, so when I get to feeling down about her situation, my pity party doesn’t last long.  Instead, I recite this scripture in my head:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

I truly believe God has a plan for Lukah . . . for our family . . . through all of this.

We are in the eye of the storm right now, so it is hard to see what that plan is, but I’ll guarantee it is there.

Someday, my heart will no longer be stormy and I won’t see the rain even when it is sunny.

Someday, we will look back in amazement that we were able to weather this horrific storm.

I envision looking back and seeing the storm as a F5 tornado that picked us up, tossed us around for a while and then eventually landed us on “the other side” — the healthy side.  And when we land, we see again. We will instantly know WHY she went through this.

Lukah’s spirit amazes me against Hurricane Dysautonomia.

Despite the loneliness she must feel being isolated in her home and the pain that she feels during so many of her darkest days, she does not complain or feel sorry for herself. I get no “woe is me” from her.

She just keeps swimming through the tsunami  and smiling through the storm clouds.  She is my hero.

As Hurricane Dysautonomia has her in its grasp, her attitude tends to be less cloudy than mine.  Despite the rain, her heart is more like this:

That is one of my favorite pictures of Lukah and her brother. It was taken the summer before she became ill. I remember the storm when that picture was taken, and  I remember watching it  from the garage and I remember laughing at she and her brother out there. Such silly, carefree kids  dancing and playing in the rain!

When my heart gets cloudy . . . when the thunder rolls within it, I remember that day and I remember that picture and it reminds me that:

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass . . . it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

So, on this rainy day, and the many others we face, we shall remember to dance.

God bless!